“A closed mouth is a closed destiny”: Not a Cliche
Learning to open up is not easy but you should consider it if you want to go fast.
I have learnt to stop romanticizing suffering silently and quietly.
If you grew up as I did in a fairly conservative home with I-no-like-wahala parents, there’s every chance you’d grow up to be like them and keep your lows, sadness and worse times from people and the world at large.
While that in itself is an enviable trait — being able to bear and endure tough times ALONE and in secret, I am learning it is not so much a great trait in this generation of ours, esp as young people.
Before 2021, I carried so much burden, worry, fear and concerns between myself and my God. I grew up seeing my mom do the same so it was second nature. No thanks to my personality, I could be cheerful and playful outside but would retire home to tears and deep sadness.
I used to brag about “nobody knows what I am dealing with” but not anymore.
This past year I tried letting a few people in has been the best year of my life. Recognising the need to rant and having people or someone who listens is a blessing from God. Having a need and telling people who care about you is a blessing from God. Receiving a miracle and calling your loved ones and friends to share with them is another blessing. Accepting support and encouragement is an even bigger blessing.
The irony of backstabbers and close friends who sell you out is not lost on me because I am equally aware any of these people I have chosen to confide in can do the same HOWEVER, this is me who has tasted both sides and will choose the latter — this life I currently live.
I had a health scare a few months ago that shook my entire existence. Telling the people around me to remember my family in prayers helped. Giving them updates and sharing how frantic I was becoming helped. Receiving support and aid in cash and kind, visits from far and wide helped in no small measure.
When I was out of a job, as much as I did my search, I told my friends — this is what I am looking for and this is what I am interested in and daily, I got links, CV requests and LinkedIn screenshots.
In this generation of ours, a closed mouth is a closed destiny.
By all means, apply caution and be discreet with whom you share — I strongly believe you can only be too careful lol. Ticket wey go cut go cut.
Three things to bear in mind:
1. I have watched my parents carry it all by themselves. It is my entire life so I know first-hand it is not easy. While it is admirable that you want to figure it all out by yourself, God has placed people on earth to help, lend a shoulder and assist you when you cannot. Let them.
2. “I don’t want to worry people”
A line l know too well. They call it ultra independence. I would know. I used to be a card-carrying member.
Allow people to worry about you. I mean, you worry about other people and should rest knowing if anything happens, there’s someone or some people who know first-hand where the problem is coming from.
3. “They will drag me on Facebook or social media”.
Well, a disclaimer.
I am not telling you to pour your deepest secrets to every Tom, Dick and Harry. I am saying, if it is too heavy, if you are sinking, if it is killing you, look around you. There is someone close enough who cares about you deeply that you can rest on — even for a minute. If you do not have, you could try licensed professionals, counsellors or even a spiritual leader.
You don’t have to do life alone.
Since last year till date, I have deliberately joined peer community groups in church and registered my presence as actively as I can. Knowing I don’t have to do life alone has been liberating.
You can go faster, easier and lighter. The grass is way greener on the other side I assure you.
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