After She Speaks Out, What Next?
Everyone says to speak up. Name your abuser. Call them out. Live your truth.
No one talks about surviving after you’ve called them out. No one mentions that you would be denied job opportunities and singled out from a conversation or a gathering because “you like to blow things out of proportion”
No one tells you that the room will go quiet when you walk in. Conversations will cease and wandering lips will pause to resume when you excuse yourself.
How many women who’ve called out their abusers in the past go on to live normal, regular lives.
Kiki Mordi?
Seyitan?
Monica Osagie?
These are women constantly being reprimanded one way or another for speaking up. Casually reminded on social media that all they’d ever be is “the person behind #SexForGrades” or ‘Lady who accused popular hit maker Dbanj’
Monica Osagie said she was denied a job opportunity because she identified as ‘The Monica Osagie’ who called out her Professor on #SexForGrades. Yes, it is easier to say ‘good riddance to bad rubbish, ‘the job was thrash anyways” but does that pay the bills and keep a roof over her head?
There’s just no winning.
Call out your lecturer abuser now — oh shit, you are an undergraduate — can you endure walking on eggshells the rest of your schooling life and being tagged a snitch by silly students, avoided by lily-livered or maybe smart ones who wouldn’t want to be marked down for associating with you. Endure being unnecessarily scrutinised by fellow lecturers because you ‘took down’ their colleagues.
Wait till you graduate — oh, there are the why did you wait all these years to talk now and shit, you are suddenly job hunting (enters Monica Osagie).
“Are you the Monica Osagie?”
“Oops, we don’t hire whistleblowers here”
Or be a Seyitan and speak out against a rich, powerful, popular figure and be intimidated by the system, harangued by Twitter trends for days, and your family and your life suddenly upside down.
Shouldn’t there be a system that protects these women when they finally regain their voice?
What happens to women when they name and shame their abusers? Does anybody know? Because I don’t think they go on to live happier lives.
Coupled with the bad press, Twitter Judge Judies, offline they are one of us — job hunting, house hunting, schooling and trying to be but it’s not that easy is it?
Some of them slip into depression, commit suicide, and the rich ones or ones with support systems relocate to start afresh and struggle to stay off the internet for the rest of their lives or face the harsh reminder that they are alone.
It is beginning to look like keeping quiet is way better than talking and bringing all this negative attention your way.
Your name on the net is synonymous with ‘lady who was abused/raped 4 years ago speaks out or something related.
Your picture is plastered on every clickbait website and social blog with millions of audiences.
Your entire existence is synonymous with the victim of abuse.
And you see, keeping quiet isn’t easy too. You may end up damaged for bottling all that anger and injustice.
Is there ever a win to being a Woman, Poor, black, Nigerian, or African all at the same time?
I ask.
Is there a part where we win?
Someone needs to tell me because I can’t see it.
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This was first posted on my Facebook profile 2 years ago.
